I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
