yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
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I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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