she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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