So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
