there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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