I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
