A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
