Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
