How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
