Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
