the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
