My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
