Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
