The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
