you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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