Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
