nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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