She's JV to your varsity
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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