I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
is it fun? or sober?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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