Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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