Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
