I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't turn off my feet"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
