Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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