The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dick very happy bro
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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