All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
