My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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