he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
