You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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