Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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