Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
