You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
