Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
