i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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