awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
