dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
