Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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