Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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