I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so let's talk penis.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
