you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
