So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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