I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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