Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
