peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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