Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
