She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
