Apparently you make a good broom.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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