I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
