I cannot find my penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
