we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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