I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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