Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
