I only kidnapped one of them. chill
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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