Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
