The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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