Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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