I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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