My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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