I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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