Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
