why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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