So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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