okay pat passed out under dana's car
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize