I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
