you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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