i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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