so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
