my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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