I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
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If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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