Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
