i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
