I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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