no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
