when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
