That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think my fart just growled at me.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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