I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
