If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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