He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i've created a new STD.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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