if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
